We all have something about our bodies that we are insecure about. The nose is too big. Hands are too small. A poorly placed mole. A tooth out of line. For someone who was insecure about my ENTIRE body, I find it interesting how I laser-focused on one insecurity above the rest since my early 20s. My chin. Or better yet, the many chins under my chin.
I lived in the suburbs of Seattle, Washington after dropping out of college because it would be “fun” to work in the big city. That one decision led to many other questionable choices. It was also about the time my weight increased drastically. Double chins run in my family so I already knew I was destined to have a round face. Where I ended up was well beyond just a round face. I could feel my extra chin (chins) leaning on my chest. I became so aware of it I would pull my shirt up just below my bottom lip. Another example of “if I hide, no one will notice“.
I convinced myself if I could fix this one thing about my body everything else would be fine. I applied that logic to a lot of things in my life. If I could fix my weight the rest of my life would be just fine.
Living in Seattle, I met, dated, and got engaged to the first man who had truly shown me kindness, compassion, and interest, regardless of my weight. Tim and I were going to be married and there was no way I was walking down the aisle with all my chins. Time for plastic surgery.
Looking back, I am surprised a doctor even agreed to the procedure. When you are overweight most surgeons will not do any cosmetic surgery until you have lost weight and kept it off. Otherwise, what is the point? I happened to find a surgeon who was a bit more interested in lining his pocket than any concern for sucking the fat out of my chin.
The surgery was terrible. I had no idea the pain I was in for. The surgeon did not tell me about the brace I had to wrap around my face for weeks to tighten up the skin. It was one of the few times I took pain medications. The recovery was long but the result was pretty close to what I wanted. No more shirts up over my face. It injected a bit of self-confidence just long enough to get me down the aisle. It was a beautiful wedding.
But as all of my stories go, there is then and now. My chins never did come back the same way they were prior to surgery. However, through many more years of weight gain and loss, the first thing to come and go was always some chins.
Today, I do not have a shirt over my head but I do still hang onto some of the self-conscious feelings about my chin. It is still the part of my body I do not like. I have excess skin all over my body but the rest of it doesn’t bother me. My chin still does and it is time to get over that.
I’m done worrying about my chins. In a recent video talking about self-love, I made every odd and weird angle I could–in front of strangers–and I survived! I’m getting over it. I’m done wasting energy worrying about a little chin.
Tip: Let it go. It is just a chin (nose, hand, mole, tooth). Embrace yourself now. Love yourself now.